The moment that you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do…

- Unknown

I want to be with you, but I feel like you don’t care anymore. I don’t understand why you treat me the way you do. If you love me, then you would act like it. I’m tired of having this same argument with you. Why are you so angry? Your actions don’t match your words. I’m so unhappy.

Sound familiar?

I know I’ve been there a couple of times before. After the first time, I feel like I should have know better 🙁 Only the desperate will put up with mistreatment in a relationship, so I must be desperate. Right? Why would I continue to work on a relationship with someone who has shown me over and over again who they are and how they’re going to treat me?

 

WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?

 

My hope is that you’re not feeling this way, but if you are… please understand this. Nothing is wrong with you, but you have to accept that this cycle will not end unless you make a committed decision to end it. Being a willing participant in an unhealthy relationship is the #1 thing keeping you from receiving the love you deserve.

Beyond that, our romantic partnership is probably the most influential relationship we have. Think about it. This is the person we most likely spend the majority of our time with. Whether we want to admit it or not, this relationship will affect our life. On a basic scale, a healthy relationship will bring out our best qualities and an unhealthy relationship will bring us down. Plain & Simple.

 

SO, WHAT IS THE CURRENT STATE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

Don’t feel discouraged if you have to question whether your relationship is healthy or not. Instead celebrate the fact that you value yourself enough to evaluate this situation. Personally, I’ve been in relationships that were unhealthy for me and I was simply in a state of denial. I didn’t want to give up on my relationship just because things were rocky. But I had to understand the difference between a tough patch and a situation that was just not good for me.

There were times where I felt emotionally bound in toxic relationships. I was trapped in a mental prison of my own making. I would try to justify my actions or make excuses for his actions, but the truth still remained at the end of the day. Those relationships were not right for me. I needed to let go.

I had to accept that I would never experience real and unconditional ♥ if I continued to stay with the wrong people. Once I came to that conclusion, I was able to take action and finally find happiness. If you’re feeling unsure about your partner, don’t fret. I have some areas you can examine to help you evaluate your relationship.

 

HERE ARE 8 SIGNS of AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

 

1. UNHAPPINESS

Consistently feeling unhappy is a good indicator that your realtionship is unhealthy. I know that our emotions can be misleading at times, but consistency is key here. How often are you unhappy as a result of being with your partner? Is this normal for you?

Emotions are like an internal GPS and consistent unhappiness is a sign that you should be moving in a different direction. When you’re in a good mood, does your partner’s energy bring you down? When you’re in a bad mood, does your partner’s energy make you feel worse? Don’t overthink this one. Just ask yourself a simple question: Am I happy?

 

2. LACK OF SUPPORT

Are you with someone who shows very little or no interest in your life goals? What about someone who purposely tries to keep you at a certain level in fear that you would surpass them? Neither of these situations are healthy. You should question the motives behind the partner who shows no interest in your life goals. Think about it. Would you be with someone and not care about their goals? If a person does not care, they may only be with you to gain something.

You should also question the “crab in the bucket partner” who tries to bring you down or keep you stagnant. This behavior usually steams from fear. Most likely the fear that your success will cause them to feel inferior in some way. These crab-like partners know that it is easier for them to keep you down vs. doing the work to improve themselves.

 

3. DEPENDENCE

Are you economically or emotionally dependent on your partner? Or, is your partner economically or emotionally dependent on you? It’s OK to be honest. This is your personal growth and development journey, so the opinions of others is irrelevant. The goal here is to examine the balance between you two in the relationship.

Are you consistently unhappy, but fear leaving your partner because of the financial support? Do you feel that you would be unable to “make it” on your own? Is your partner’s financial help the reason you stay? I understand the importance of security and stability, but let’s be honest here. What’s more important… Money or Your Happiness?

Also, are you using your partner’s love and admiration to help you feel secure within yourself? Emotional dependence can appear when we are feeling a sense of emptiness. There was a time in my life where I was desperate for love and acceptance. I stayed in a relationship that was unhealthy for me to fill that emotional void. In the end, I had to learn to truly love, value and appreciate myself, instead of depending on someone else to validate me.

 

4. ISOLATION

Isolation is a tactic used by abusers to maintain control. The goal of isolation is to keep you away from the people the abuser feels is a treat to your relationship. This can be family, friends or anyone who recognizes that your relationship is unhealthy. If this is happening to you, please understand that this is a MAJOR RED FLAG.

Spending quality time together is fine, but are you able to spend time with anyone else? Does your partner have an issue with all of your friends? If you do go out, does your partner check-up on you constantly or make you feel guilty for leaving? Are you distant from the people you were once close to since being with your partner? Again, this one is a major red flag, so please pay attention.

 

5. DISRESPECT

You should never tolerate disrespect from your partner. There is no grey area here folks… RESPECT IS THE JUST MINIMUM ( in my Lauren Hill voice ). This should be true in all of your social interactions, not just in your relationship. Boundaries are extremely important and people generally respect the standards you establish for yourself. The problem occurs when we do not respect ourselves enough to demand respect from others.

When I was tired of being disrespected, I decided to do some inner work. As a result, I learned how to establish personal boundaries in my relationships. When I got to a point where I truly valued and respected myself, I did not tolerate disrespect from others. This happened naturally and let me tell you… respect is sooo much better than attention.

 

6. PHYSICAL OR VERBAL ABUSE

Physical or verbal abuse is often obvious from the outside looking in. Your family and friends may tell you to leave, but you decide to stay because you love your partner. Or you may try to leave, but end up going right back to your partner. If this is happening to you try not to beat yourself up. You have taken enough abuse from your partner, don’t abuse yourself. I know you’re hurting, but you have to build some strength. YOU CAN DO IT.

Often times we stay because we are emotionally or economically dependent on our partner. I understand. It may be challenging to build up the courage to leave or to even admit to ourselves that the situation is unhealthy. But, I am living proof that it can be done. It may take a few tries and some dedicated inner work, but it can be done. YOU CAN LEAVE. If your partner is hurting you, MENTALLY or PHYSICALLY, you need to leave. Abuse is not love…

 

7. JEALOUSLY

That awful green eyed monster! Jealously can strike in many ways, but you want to pay attention to a partner who is jealous of others in your life or your personal progress. Mentally secure and developed partners will not envy your success. Your partner should feel a positive emotion when you accomplish something. You want proud, happy, excited… not jealous.

Additionally, I believe insecurities breed jealously. So, if your boyfriend is jealous of every male co-worker in the office or your girlfriend has an issue with every female member at your gym, you should evaluate that relationship.

Now past infidelity may be a key player, so if you have been unfaithful in the past you should expect a higher level of suspicion from your partner. However, if your partner displays jealously because of their own insecurities, you may be in an unhealthy situation. You want a healthy relationship with an evolved partner. You are working on yourself and you deserve someone who is doing the same.

 

8. YOUR INTUITION!!!

I saved this one for last because it is the BIGGEST indicator my friend 🙂 I know I’m always talking about developing and trusting your intuition & I’m sorry if you are tired of the repetition. BUT IT IS SOOOO TRUE! We have to trust that our “gut feelings” may have some validity.

You know when something is not right. You just know it. You may try to discredit that lingering feeling, but it never really goes away. You know when she is lying. You know when he is cheating. You know that you need to leave (even if you are afraid of what may happen). You know when something is not right. Don’t sweep that feeling under the rug. Examine it 🙂

 

TAKE A MINUTE TO REFLECT

The goal here is to be honest with yourself about the current state of your partnership. Please do not confuse a tough patch in a relationship with a completely unhealthy relationship. Sometimes love and partnerships are hard work and we have to climb mountains to reach success. However, if you are generally unhappy on a consistent bases or you identify with the majority of the points listed above, it may be time to leave.

 

YOU CAN DO THIS 🙂

 

Finally leaving an unhealthy relationship was a very special accomplishment in my life. I did it… I went back a few times, but I finally did it. I want the same for you if are experiencing a situation like this. I know you may be afraid or worried about what happens next, but you have to make a change if you want different results.

 

XOXO

Neisha Serene

 

Do you know some other signs that may be helpful? Comment below & help us grow 🙂

 

Also, be prepared for a period of grieving after you take that first step toward your healthy future. It may be tough, but hey… It’s a part of the journey. Hopefully, this will help you out | 5 STAGES OF GRIEF FOLLOWING A BREAKUP. But, again… YOU CAN DO THIS!

 

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